In 1948, Queen Elizabeth II had her first child. Back then, parenting was very different from what is being done today. Not to forget that the monarchy has a different set of rules that make them live differently from a normal person. For most of the time, royal parenting is done behind the palace doors.
Source: Maternity Week
Looking back, the Queen’s parenting style may actually be odd to a modern parent’s eyes. Whether or not the Queen was a good parent was something that her own children could not even agree on.
Adjusting to the changing times
But the recent years have shown that the monarchy can adjust to the changing times. For instance, Prince William and Kate Middleton and Prince Harry and Meghan Markle all wanted their children to have a normal childhood.
Source: Maternity Week
The newer generation of the British monarchy has been more relaxed and has turned their backs on a couple of outdated traditions and protocols. You can now see William and Harry being proactive in their roles as fathers in public.
Hands-on dad
William has been a hands-on father from the very beginning. Unlike other royal fathers before him, William was present during the birth of his first child, Prince George. The doting dad was also in the labor room when Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis were born.
Source: Maternity Week
Despite their more modern setup, there are still some classic royal protocols that they do need to follow no matter what. For one, the Queen should be the first to hear about the birth of a royal child before anyone else.
Announcing the birth of a royal
Also, the announcement of the new addition to the royal family must be through a royal proclamation where it would be displayed on an easel outside Buckingham Palace. Aside from the traditional royal proclamation, royal births are also simultaneously announced on the monarchy’s official social media accounts to keep up with the modern times these days.
Source: Maternity Week
It is also a protocol for the royals to present their newborn in public a few days after they were born. If you can recall, William and Kate had always posed outside the Lindo Wing of St. Mary’s Hospital for all their three babies. In 2016, Meghan and Harry also showed their son, Archie Mountbatten-Windsor by making a public appearance in the Windsor castle.
Royal christening
Since the Queen is the head of the Church of England, all royal babies should be baptized. This tradition was followed when it came to the children of William and Harry. All their children wore the same baptism gown – a design based on the christening gown of Queen Victoria’s daughter in 1841.
Source: Maternity Week
Royal babies are traditionally baptized around three months of age. Every royal baby is christened with holy water from the River Jordan, where Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist.
Royal dress code
Just like their parents, royal children also adhere to a certain dress code. One of which is royal sons not wearing treasures until they are 8 years old. This is why George and Louis were always wearing shorts in public, no matter what the weather is.
Source: Maternity Week
But William and Kate have rejected some of the dress code for their kids over the years. Their children are now wearing more relaxed and casual clothing compared to what the earlier generation of royals had to endure. In fact, in 2016, the young Prince George went viral for wearing a bathrobe while meeting the president of America.
Royal tantrums
But what about dealing with tantrums? Royal or not, children are always prone to having a tantrum from time to time. According to protocol, the royals were not supposed to tolerate the fits of temper that their kids can have.
Source: Maternity Week
Although William and Kate had a team around them to help cater to their kids, they were also very hands-on when it comes to dealing with their children in public. Kate has often been seen lowering herself to her children’s level just to make sure that she gets her point across.
Admitting the struggles
Before, you would barely hear a royal say that he or she had gone through struggles. But in 2017, Kate had admitted that she had struggled in her role as a mother. She was speaking in an event that supported mental health for mothers when this happened. Kate shared that becoming a mother was a wonderful and rewarding experience but it has also been a huge challenge sometimes.
Source: Maternity Week
Kate is not the first royal mother who had done things differently when it came to royal parenting. Princess Diana was very famous for turning her back on traditions. In fact, her refusal to concede to the monarchy’s old-age traditions was one of the reasons why she won hearts all over the world.
Breaking all the rules
It was traditional for royals to have home births in the royal residence. But Diana chose to give birth in St. Mary’s Hospital both when she was pregnant with William and later on with Harry. Diana was known to put her children above her royal duties. She often worked her schedule around William and Harry and even found time to send and pick up her sons to school.
Source: Maternity Week
And while public displays of affection were discouraged in the monarchy, Diana had been an expressive mother to her sons and was often caught hugging her children in public. One of her most popular moments was when she raced barefoot for a sports day in her sons’ school – something no royal has ever done.
Organizing fun into their lives
During the TV documentary Diana, Our Mother: Her Life and Legacy, William looked back and recalled how informal and carefree Diana was. She understood real life outside the palace and had put a value on having fun and laughter.
Source: Maternity Week
Diana had taken William and Harry on vacations and trips to the Thorpe Park theme park. She would also often organize family days out. According to Andrew Morton, Diana’s biographer, she would organize these trips herself without consulting her husband, Prince Charles, or other members of the royal family.
Real-world exposure
Aside from being a proactive mother in Harry and William’s lives, Diana had also exposed her children to the real world through her charitable endeavors. It was the first time anyone in the royal family had been that exposed to the public at a young age. It was clear that Diana had always wanted William and Harry to experience things that were beyond their privilege as a royal.
Source: Maternity Week
But she also had another reason for exposing her sons to the realities of life. As future leaders, Diana wanted her sons to understand the emotions, insecurities, distress, problems, hopes, and dreams of the people outside the palace. It is her dream that her sons would lead a monarchy that was more in touch with the people.
Royal parenting at a different time
During Queen Elizabeth’s time as a mother, things have been very different. The Queen gave birth to all her four children in her royal residence. When her first child, Charles, was born, Prince Philip was not by her side to witness the birth. Instead, Philip was playing a game of squash until he was told it was time to meet his firstborn.
Source: Maternity Week
The Queen had her second child, Princess Anne, in 1950. In 1953, Queen Elizabeth was crowned, and plans to expand their family had to be put on hold as she adjusted to her role as Queen. Because of this, it took 10 years before their third child, Prince Andrew, was born. Prince Edward, their youngest child, was born 4 years later.
A subtle change
As mentioned earlier, the monarch was not allowed to show public affection. When Charles and Anne were young, the Queen had been on a tour that lasted for almost half a year. Her return was covered by the media and because she had to meet her children in public, she greeted them with handshakes. Imagine not seeing your kids for half a year and you could not even hug them the first chance you get!
Source: Maternity Week
The Queen was more open as a mother for her two younger children, Andrew and Edward. Robert Lacy, a historian, had observed that the Queen had become more flexible and warmer as time passed. It seemed that she had wanted to make some changes when it came to parenting in the monarchy.
The younger kids
It had been speculated that among her children, Andrew was the Queen’s favorite. Royal commentator Richard Fitzwilliams said that the Queen was still adjusting to her role as Queen when Charles and Anne were very young. Because of this, she was not able to spend as much time as she wished with them. But when Andrew was born, the Queen had already been on the throne for 8 years and did not have to go on tour. She was able to give Andrew more attention and care.
Source: Maternity Week
When the Queen was pregnant with Edward, she once again tried a warmer approach to royal parenting. She requested Philip to be by her side at childbirth. Because of this, Philip became the first royal father who was able to witness a royal birth in modern history. Upon Edward’s birth, the Queen was overjoyed. Andrew was especially fond of Edward and was fascinated with his younger brother.
Long absence
As the leader of the British monarchy, the Queen often had to travel abroad as part of her royal responsibilities. Relationships had to be established with different leaders overseas. This meant she had to leave her children to nannies and the palace staff. The long periods of absence had an effect on her children.
Source: Maternity Week
As mentioned earlier, the Queen had been gone for almost half a year. She was on a 13-country tour. Charles was about 5 years old then and Anne was just 3. During her trips abroad, the Queen often brought Philip with him. With both parents gone, Charles and Anne were cared for by the Queen Mother and royal nanny Mabel Anderson.
The royal kids can travel now
Although Charles was very young, the absence of the Queen had a profound effect on him. He became more attached to nanny Anderson. Nanny Anderson had become a key influence in Charles’ formative years. She was his rock while he was a young and sensitive child and she had always been there for him. He was very fond of her.
Source: Maternity Week
But even though he had a strong relationship with Nanny Anderson, when Charles became a father, he did not leave his children at home when he was required to go on royal tours. When William was only 9 months old, Charles and Diana brought him with them on a royal trip to Australia and New Zealand. William and Kate did the same when they took George with them on a royal trip.
A strained relationship
As a sensitive child, Charles was not just affected by the absence of his parents for most of his youth. Other factors had also bothered him. Even when his parents were home, their busy schedule made him still feel lonely and isolated. Charles was also a late developer and was not athletic and this was said to frustrate Philip.
Source: Maternity Week
The relationship between Charles and his parents was already strained when they sent him to Gordonstoun, a prestigious and exclusive boarding school in Scotland. There, he had to adhere to a strict schedule and live in a dorm with more than a dozen boys.
A living nightmare
Even though he was an heir to the throne, Charles had been a victim of bullying. In fact, he had complained about it in his letters home. For instance, he shared that he could not get any sleep in the house because he gets hit on the head when he snores. He had also have complained numerous times about the boys in his dormitory and the rigid routine.
Source: Maternity Week
Charles was clearly not happy with his experience in school but his parents had turned a blind eye to all his complaints. Charles had no choice but to stick it out until he graduates. To him, his experience in Gordonstoun was more like being sent to prison.
It was beyond their control
But why were Philip and the Queen so cold to their children? Historians believe that this was not being done on purpose. In the 2020 documentary, Being the Queen, Tim Heald, the royal biographer said that nobody was being deliberately cold – it was just the way things were done in the monarchy.
Source: Maternity Week
Being a Queen may seem to be easy on the surface but leading a monarchy is like having numerous full-time jobs all at once. Things like family time get pushed behind in favor of other royal responsibilities. As leaders, the Queen and Philip had numerous responsibilities and their schedules are usually filled up most of the day.
Boarding school was a solution
Perhaps because of their constant absence, the monarch has thought that sending their kids to boarding schools would be the best choice for them. But then again, entrusting your kids to boarding schools or private tutors is not as good as the guidance and nurture of a parent.
Source: Maternity Week
As an adult, Charles had changed his opinion about his time in Gordonstoun. During the launch of Trust Charles, Charles looked back at the time and said that his experience was tough in the sense that the school demanded more from you mentally and physically as an individual compared to what other schools did. Charles went on to say that he believed being in boarding school made taught him a lot about his own abilities and disabilities.
Proud mother
The public viewed the Queen as a distant mother and had criticized her parenting techniques. Princess Anne had spoken in defense of the Queen during a 2002 interview. She said that no evidence suggests the Queen was not a caring mother.
Source: Maternity Week
Despite the criticisms, the Queen had expressed that she was proud of her role as a parent numerous times. In fact, in 2012, Kate Winslet had the privilege to meet the Queen at an awards ceremony, and she remembers telling the Queen how she loved being a mom more than being a movie star. The Queen had agreed with her and said that motherhood is the only job that matters.